


..Sans?

by who_is_mattatatatat



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Cutting, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 10:38:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12982269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/who_is_mattatatatat/pseuds/who_is_mattatatatat
Summary: Papyrus gets to experience what it's like in Sans mind.





	..Sans?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sorry

"Hey! Papyrus!" A deep voice yelled out once he saw the familiar skeleton walking home. Papyrus turned around and frowned. It has been closing time, Papyrus had chosen to walk home instead of paying to ride the boat home, and as a consequence here he was with this purple asshole. Grillby was already locking up his store, his body already facing the direction of his apartment. The Royal Guardsman and the bartender reacted to each other like oil and water. They both loathed each other and had made a point to keep it quite clear. The only thing that kept them from killing each other was one monster. That monster was Sans.

"What do you want?" Papyrus asked venomously.

"I don't want anything to do with you asshole. Have you seen Sans today?"

The question made Papyrus halt and stare at the flame monster queerly. The hell did that mean?

"Sans has had the day off. In fact, he has the next few days off. Why do care?" Papyrus asked feeling suspicious of Grillbys question.

"He hasn't stopped by all day. I figured either you finally dusted him or he offed himself." Grillby frowned distastefully. "Anyways. Tell him he needs to drop by tomorrow for his weekly pay." Sans had worked out that at the end of the week he'd pay a certain about of gold for his tab. Grillby shrugged it off and began walking in the opposite direction.

A few words stuck to Papyrus that made him walk a little faster home. It was times like these that made him wish he could teleport like Sans could. He replayed Grillbys words over in his head. "You finally dusted him or he offed himself"..? What does that mean? Sure he and his brother fought but he couldn't understand what "he offed himself" meant. Sans had never shown any signs of..well anything! He didn't understand.

Papyrus was so caught up in thought that he nearly passed his house. Some of the red Christmas lights on the roof were starting to go out but neither cared enough to fix them. Digging the house key from inside his jackets pockets he unlocked the door and walked inside. He wasn't sure what he expected, but seeing Sans exactly where he was before he left for work that morning was not it. He took off his jacket and boots all while watching Sans intensely. Skeletons technically didn't need to breath but Sans shoulders slowly rose and fell signaling he was breathing.

"Sans?" Papyrus asked softly thinking maybe Sans was asleep. Instead Sans barely nodded his head as if to say "yes I am awake".

"Sans, have you been here all day?" Papyrus walked over to his brother on the couch. Sans back was to him, his legs curled in and his arms tucked comfortably under his chin, pressed up against his chest. Sans was reluctant at first to respond but slowly found the energy to nod. "What the hell Sans."

Sans visibly flinched at this though..why? Papyrus didn't know. He didn't know why but he was compelled to check Sans stats. He must have felt it about to happen. Sans eyes snapped open and in a sudden flood of panic he felt his magic surge in him and he teleported away and into his room.

Papyrus was left only to stare at the now empty couch with the mixed feelings of curiosity and concern. Grillbys words once again rang. Could it be that Sans...no. No Sans couldn't..could he?

"Can he be..has he been depressed? If so, why haven't I noticed? Is he that good at hiding it?" Papyrus mumbled to himself. He turned around to stare at Sans bedroom door. "Are you actually lazy..Sans?"

 

\---  
the next morning  
\---

 

Today was day two of Sans days off. He had been given four days off because of new recruitment. The newbies needed to be properly introduced to Snowdin, should they be stationed there. Sans was more than willing to let some of the newbies be trained out near his station and close to the ruins.

As Papyrus finished dressing he decided to check on Sans. Hopefully he could check his stats this time. As a rule they had both agreed to keep their doors unlocked should anything happen. He hoped that Sans hadn't locked his door. When the handle didn't budge he groaned. He summoned a small bone and used it as a makeshift bobby pin to unlock the door until it clicked. He slowly pushed the door forwards as to not make any sound that might wake the older brother up. Sans soft snoring welcomed him inside. Papyrus slowly crept over to Sans to check him. With him begin asleep Papyrus knew that Sans wouldn't know he was here.

"Sans. 1 ATK. 1 DEF. Can only deal 1 damage. HP .6"

.6?

.6?!

"THE FUCK!?" Papyrus gasped.  
Sans began to stir and before he could turn his body around Papyrus was gone. He shut the door behind him, leaned his back against the wall and covered his mouth in shock. His body slowly slid down the wall and he stared straight ahead trying to grasp what was happening. Everything suddenly felt numb. He didn't hear anything come from Sans room giving him thought to maybe he fell asleep again.

"Fuck. What do I do?" He whispered. "What do I do?" He weighed his options. If he called in he'd be forced to use one of his vacation days, which wouldn't please anyone, or he could go into work like he should. But what if Sans got worse while he was gone? Papyrus groaned into his hands and reached for his phone.

RGP2 : Undyne. I'm using one of my vacation days as an emergency. Sans is sick.

RGU1 : An emergency? What's wrong?

Papyrus was glad that Undyne knew that he actually cared about his older brother and genuinely loved him. She understood that.

RGP2 : Not sure. His HP is at .6 and I'm not sure what to do

RGU1 : Should I send over Alphys?

RGP2 : For now, no. But I will update you should he get worse.

RGU1 : Alright. Be safe.

Papyrus pocketed his phone and stood up again, having to use the railing to steady himself. He had to check on Sans. He had to wake him up. He had to.

Papyrus took in a deep breath and opened the door again. He walked over to Sans again and just as he thought he'd gone back to sleep.

"Sans. Sans wake up." Papyrus sat down on the edge of the bed shaking Sans shoulder. Sans slowly stirred waking up. When he did he stared at the other with half lidded eyes confused.

"What..whats the matter Pap?" He slurred out slowly still not fully awake. Usually he'd get onto Sans for using his name but he was sick and still asleep.

"You're sick. I took a day off to try and help you get better."

Sans reacted to this as though he had been electrocuted. His eyes snapped open with an audible crack and he shoved himself as far away from the other as fast as he could. "What do you mean? I'm fine, I..I don't know what you mean." Sans voice became shaky.

"Do you know what your HP is Sans? It's .6. .6 Sans!" Papyrus was surprised to see Sans react in such a way. Sans looked away frowning guiltily. "Wait a minute. You knew? You knew that you were under 1 HP!?" His voice steadily rose louder and louder.

"I..I'm sorry!" Sans squeaked. His arms reflectively went up to defend himself and his legs curled up tighter. Sans had thrown off his jacket earlier during the night feeling too hot. This was a major mistake.

"..Sans?" Papyrus gasped.

Deep cuts and divots had been dug into Sans radius and ulna. Some were already healed but left scars. Some looked fairly fresh. They littered from where his wrists would be to halfway to his elbow. Papyrus grabbed Sans arms tightly causing Sans to shriek in pain.

"No. No! NO! NO! LET ME GO! LET ME GO! GO AWAY! LET GO!" Sans wailed out bursting into hard passionate sobs.  
He tried to jerk his arms away from the younger, twisting and thrashing trying desperately to leave but to no avail. He knew if he teleported Papyrus would just travel with him because of his iron grip on him. After a few minutes Sans gave up and hung his head defeated and tired. He was no longer in a passion but his sobs continued. "Please let..let me go..go. Pap..Papyrus let me go! Please." His voice was hitched now.

"Sans why..?" Papyrus pulled the smaller skeleton into his lap closer to him. He was so much smaller despite the three year age gap.

"Paps I.." Sans breathing was still hitched and his sobs were still heavily gross. Each one sounded like a small rough scream that was then swallowed by air that repeated painfully over and over.

"Sans. I love you. I love you so much you can't..you can't leave me god dammit." Papyrus could feel his soul start to ache. Red tears pricked in his eyes. Without asking for permission he summoned Sans soul and his. He had read that a monster could see into the mind of another should their souls touch. He needed to understand the situation fully and he knew that Sans wouldn't talk.

"Papyrus..!" Sans yelped before everything went black. Papyrus could only stare until everything faded away as well.

\---

Papyrus's eyes shot open. He found himself on the ground lying on his back. Instead of the familiar ceilings of their house he was faced with an endless dull blue sky. He felt the ground and felt tall grass swaying against his skull instead of the dull short carpet. He sat upright and looked around. It was so peaceful here that for a second he couldn't remember how he got here. He spotted a tall tree who's leafs were swaying gently. The bark was a deep navy blue and its leafs were nearly white. They had no distinct shape to them, like a massive blob, but it seemed like it could suddenly disperse at any moment.

'Ah. This must be Sans mind..' He thought. He looked left then right then left again. He couldn't see Sans anywhere. He opened his mouth to speak but found nothing was coming out. He couldn't speak. Maybe that's how soul connection works? This isn't his soul after all.

"Look what you've done!" Sans's voice could be heard screaming up ahead. Papyrus shot up, scrambled to stand up and ran towards the voice. The grass stopped close to his knees making it slightly difficult to run. The wind picked up the closer he got.

'It's like a storm in an endless room.' Papyrus thought.

"How was I supposed to know he'd be in my room!? I had the day off! I locked the door!"

Papyrus suddenly stopped running.

"So what? You should have been more careful!"

Sans was standing in front of another version of himself. His duplicate was dressed as Sans usually would when he went outside. Sans was looking away from the other with his arms crossed tightly, his hands gripping the sides of his shirt trying not to shake. He was dressed in his slightly to long black sweatpants and his regular white t-shirt. This must be the real him since he was in his pajamas. Papyrus decided to call the other Sans....Red.

Red looked beyond furious. His hands were shoved in his coat pockets pushing down.

"You should have left the house!" Red was screaming now.

"I was too tired!" Sans defended himself.

"Too tired?" Red scoffed. "You know, Papyrus is right. You're a good for nothing worthless fuck up."

"I was the right hand man of the old Royal Scientist! I'm a doctor! I didn't fuck up then, did I? I..I wasn't worthless then!" Sans growled.

Papyrus looked from Sans to Red. He had no idea Sans knew anything about science let alone be a doctor.

"But you're not anymore! Gaster is gone and you left after that. Now you're a sleeze bag that works three jobs. What's Papyrus? Oh, right, he's the FUCKING CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD!"

The blue and white tree next to them started to shake and sway back and forth.

"Oh. Here comes a thought. Knowing you, it might alarm you." Red smirked.

"No. No, please stop." Sans whispered terrified as if he knew what going to happen.

"You're awfully pathetic Sans." Red imitated Papyrus's voice. A few leaves disconnected themselves from the tree showing that it was truly a butterfly though it lacked any features to it. It flew over to Sans and gently landed on his shoulder. Papyrus counted the ones that broke off. Five. Five insults so far.

"What someone, he, said. And how it harmed you." Red continued advancing towards Sans. "Idiotic whelp. Ungrateful bastard." Two new butterflies flew down to Sans wrists. Papyrus's eyes widened. Was..was this all his fault?

"Thing that you did, that failed to be charming. Passing out at your post? Tsk." Red shook his head in disapproval. A new butterfly landed on top of Sans skull.

"Things that you said are suddenly swarming. Thing just like me." Reds words became distorted before he bursted into hundreds of the butterflies like those on the tree. They flew over to him. Sans fell to the ground, his hands over his head for protection. The butterflies continued to land and circle around him till he gave up. His arms slid off his head and laid limply on the ground.

Papyrus stared at what was happening in disbelief. Finally he began moving forwards towards Sans to try to help him. As he neared closer he could hear the butterflies spewing insult after insult. Each one a voice from either him or another monster, but the majority sounded like they were Sans himself. Disgusting words and sentences jumbled together. He felt a scream build in his throat when a few flew by him whispering at once; "Come on Sans. It's time to kill yourself."

"SANS!" Papyrus tried to force his scream out only to hear nothing but the hundreds of insults flying around him. He shoved his hands through the crowd, waving his arms all around to force his way to Sans. The butterflies dispersed but flew right back to them flying only a few feet away.

Sans face was stained with red tears. The lights in his eyes were gone and he stared ahead blankly, emotionless.

Papyrus scooped Sans up in his arms holding him tightly. This didn't seem to faze him at all, as though he didn't even know he was being picked up. He still stared into the vast nothingness of the void. Papyrus didn't know what to do so he cried. He hadn't cried in years yet here he was, bawling passionately. His tears landed on the back of Sans shirt, surely staining it. He sobs became harsher by the minute until they started burning his throat. If he could emit sound his wails would be blood curdling heart wrenching. He didn't know what to do. He continued to scream and cry until he felt two small arms wrap around him. He gasped.

"Oh..oh Sans..you're loosing sight." His voice hiccupped over his crying. "You're loosing touch. All these little things seem to matter so much." His body began to tremble. He held Sans tighter and shoved his face almost shamefully in the crook of the others neck. "That they confuse you. That I might loose you." Papyrus finished whispering now. It was only then did he realize his voice was finally audible.

Suddenly, one by one, the butterflies rapidly proofed. The only sound that could be heard was Papyruses uneven breathing and the wind slowly dying down. The tree that was near them started to slowly crumble away and the grass shriveled under them.

Then, once again, the world faded into black.


End file.
